I have a very ugly and destructive tendency to compare myself to other people
Right now I couldn't be more thankful for a God that loves me as I am and draws me close to Him right when I need it most...
Tonight a hot bubble bath, some praise and worship music, some tears, and a dusty book off the shelf have me pointed back to the right direction...
A few years ago someone gave me the book Captivating-Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul. I don't think i read much of it before it ended up on the shelf for whatever reason- Tonight-I'm thankful I knew right where it was when the Lord put it on my heart to read...
to be completely transparent- I feel like I will never be good enough, ugly and selfish, lazy, undesirable, and broken.
There are a few quotes that Ill probably type out but at the moment all I can think of is just the truth the Lord whispered to my heart that He is enough. that He loves me as I am, that He created me just as I am and for a purpose, that He suffered and died for my ugly sin and that He wants to free me from that.
We come to Him and He will give us rest..
the words that stuck out to me in the book mainly just made me feel like I'm not alone in my struggles of being a mom, a wife, and a business owner. its hard!
"sometimes its hard to be a woman"-Tammy Wynette
"I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman Ive ever met feels it-something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. an underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time....The result is shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone.... The message to the rest of us-whether from a driven culture or a driven church-is to try harder."
"Your heart as woman is the most important thing about you"
"God created you as woman. 'God created man in his own image.. male and female he created them.' (gen 1:27) Whatever it means to bear God;s image, you do as a woman. female. Tats how and where you bear His image. Your feminine heart has been created with the greatest of all possible dignities- as a reflection of God's own heart. You are a woman to your soul, to the very core of your being. And so the journey to discover what God meant when He created woman in his image- your heart. Another way of saying that is that the journey begins with desire."
"To be desired, ti be pursued by one who loves you, to be someones priority? Most of our addictions was women flare up when we feel that we are not loved or sought after. At some core place, maybe deep within, perhaps hidden or buried in her heart, every woman wants to be seen, wanted, and pursued. We want to be romanced."
"Sometime before the sorrows of life did their best to kill it in us, most young women wanted to be a part of something grand, something important. Before doubt and accusation take hold, most little girls sense that they have a vital role to play, they want to believe there is something in them that is needed and needed desperately."
Pslam 45:11 The Kind is enthralled by your beauty.
The author quotes a song called Beautiful by Bethany Dillon that has always been the cry of my heart
"I want to be beautiful and make you stand in awe. Look inside my heart and be amazed I want to hear you say who I am is quite enough. I just want to be worthy of love and beautiful.
"and its not just the desire for an outward beauty, but more-a desire to be captivating in the depths if who you are."
"A woman yearns to be to be seen, and to be thought of as captivating? We desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can been seen, beauty that can be felt, beauty that affects others, a beauty all of our own to unveil"
"its about discovering who you already are, as a woman. A woman who at her core was made for romance, made to play an irreplaceable role in a shared adventure, and who really does possess a beauty all her own to unveil. The woman God had in mind when he made Eve... and when he made you. glorious, powerful, and captivating."
Im thinking I may breakaway from facebook for atleast a day and see if it breaks this ugly cycle I'm in. I know only the Holy Spirit can free me and that facebook is a distraction to that-a day also might sound easy to most but considering I work and live on fb its gonna be pretty hard. I say this only so you can give me a hard time if you catch me wasting my life away on that silly thing Monday and/or Tuesday.